just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
