Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
