The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
