THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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