I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
