Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
