worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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