Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
