I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
