I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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