There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
