well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You're a waste of cheezeits
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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