omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
