I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
