I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
