He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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