fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
