:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
