She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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