So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
