I can text with my tongue
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
