You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
