A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
