also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
