We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
