Pants 0. Shit 1.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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