in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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