I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
