im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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