my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.