I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
