I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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