Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
