five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
