We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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