There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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