i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
