Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
