He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Best friends brother. Beat that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
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Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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