I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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