i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
