sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
