She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
