Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
