Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
