Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
