dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
