well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
