Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
