I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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