I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
