I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
