I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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