Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
