the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize