Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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