went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
