Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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