Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
