From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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